Well, happy St. Patrick’s Day Canada.
You know what America gets? March Madness.
You know Canada gets? Gregg Zaun co-hosting @timandsid. In a #greensuit. Kill me and get him a stylist.
Tim is in Vancouver to cover the CIS National Basketball Championship. So, Canadians get Gregg Zaun filling in. We here at Hard No Sports think the nation is poorer for it.
If you don’t know who the #manalyst is. Here. Have a look. If you do, have a look anyway.
I know this video is old. But the fact he’s on national television today led me to write a letter to the #Manalyst himself.
Dear Mr. #Manalyst,
You just called out a young man who you think weighs about 125 pounds and told him he should be watching his back. Amongst other things, you then advised that the young man not “puff his chest out and challenge a grown man via twitter and erase the tweets. Go knock on the Jay’s clubhouse door and do it like a man if you feel that strongly. Stop acting like Tommy tough guy while hiding behind the internet”.
Mr. #Manalyst it’s at this time I feel the need to point out a few glaringly obvious facts concerning your verbal letter. While you were addressing Mr. Ventura you were ‘hiding’ behind a T.V. screen. In fact, your chest looks rather ‘puffed’ in the video above. Your suit even looks a little tight around the biceps. Needed to make sure you looked nice and puffed up as well, bro? Are you not addressing Mr. Ventura from the safety of your studio set inside the Jay’s stadium? I think the Kansas City Royals have a clubhouse as well. Should you not have gone and knocked on their door? A little hypocritical don’t you think, #Mr. Manalyst?
And no Mr. #Manalyst, giving Mr. Ventura your seat and section numbers as you sign off neither makes you look tough nor does it fool anyone with half a brain into thinking you’re willing to get behind your words and fight a current professional athlete. Mr. Ventura is currently making an average of $4.6 million per year. He’s not going to come see you in your section, during a game in which he has to put on a uniform for, to fight you. Mr. Ventura also happened to be a part of the team that won the World Series last year. In case you forgot.
I would like to thank you for pointing out Mr. Bautista’s numbers Mr. #Manalyst. Myself, as a viewer, was unaware that Mr. Bautista generally allowed his bat to do his talking for him. In fact, I had no idea he generally excels at it. Thank you for enlightening me, a Canadian viewer. I also don’t think Mr. Bautista needs a babysitter. Do you Mr. #Manalyst?
These were two current professional athletes who happened to not like each other very much at the time. They could sort it out just fine, you know, on the field, where the athletes play. You don’t play anymore, you do realize that don’t you, Mr. #Manalyst?
And finally Mr. #Manalyst, I am acutely aware that I am not a professional athlete. I am also acutely aware I am sitting at a desk, using my keyboard, my fingers, and my brain to articulate an opinion. Not all of us can be athletes Mr. #Manalyst. So we develop other muscles. For instance, the aforementioned muscle, the brain. You should try it some time.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. And please, do stop being an asshole on national Canadian television. You make the rest of us look bad.
Here’s Zaun’s career numbers if anybody cares. I’m sure if he gets fired up about this they will become relevant. I just don’t give a shit. He won the World Series once as well. We will certainly be hearing about that.
And here’s a bonus video of Zaun calling kids knuckleheads:
Look at that suit pull at the end of the video. What an asshole.
So nation, today we ask the question, does Canada like Gregg Zaun? I think my stance is pretty clear. But I am more than willing to in the minority on this one.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day.